The Harley Consultancy

Tag: highperformer

  • Do Your Good Intentions Crumble?

    Do Your Good Intentions Crumble?

    “Each year I commit to getting healthier, but after a few weeks I make excuses about why I can’t go to the gym today or I give in to comfort food again. I just don’t understand why I’m so weak. I can be decisive – at work, for example – but not with this.” 

    I hear this lament from clients frequently. Does this happen to you, too?

    Crumbling intentions are such a common experience, so rest assured you are not alone. It’s perplexing when sincere intentions run out of steam after such a short while. We think we must be weak if we can’t stick to our plans.

    Several factors will be at play here, such as setting goals that aren’t clearly formulated. 

    What isn’t generally recognised is that our brain may also be working against itself. We set longterm intentions with our rational brain, which can plan, make decisions and employ will power to keep us on track despite temptations. 

    But immediate decisions are often made at an emotional level, through the secondary brain system found in the gut (hence ‘gut feeling’). 

    For many of us, the emotional brain is stronger than the rational brain, especially when it comes to sticking to personal wellbeing goals. It’s focused on what it wants now and cannot balance this against future consequences. 

    This is how we end up sabotaging good intentions through so-called ‘weak moments’. 

    Fortunately, the rational brain can be strengthened (just like using the gym to strengthen muscles) so that it is better able to hold its own. 

  • Working with the Alchemical Self

    Working with the Alchemical Self

    The human mind is alchemical in nature. I’ve long been fascinated by this. What might seem solid and knowable (“this happened”, “this is truth”, “I can’t change who I am”) is a far more magical thing when approached at the deepest levels of mind.

    Most coaches work primarily with mindset matters. It’s useful, certainly, but by no means the whole story. Perhaps you have wondered why mindset methods help, but only so far?

    Some coaches go deeper, working with the Inner Child, or experiences that have become entrenched in the emotional brain. That’s a powerful way of working, able to release more of our internal programming. But by no means all.

    Few coaches are able to engage in Depth Psychotherapy, however, working with the levels of mind that lie underneath this, where our deepest and most entrenched patterns are formed and held. This is the level at which substantial change can happen, and, often, surprisingly easily, as what might seem to be irretrievably locked in place can become fluid and able to reconfigure itself to better fit you now. But only if the coach knows how.

    I love working with clients at this extremely deep level. It’s like watching (and feeling) magic happen. It’s the reason why so many of my coaching clients are reporting lasting improvements they could never have predicted in just a few sessions.

    I was fortunate to conduct some original research into this for my MA in Counselling Studies at Nottingham University, almost 25 years ago. My thesis describes how different schools of psychotherapy approach this level of mind and pulls together the common principles of working successfully in this way. I have been drawing on these insights in my work with clients ever since.

    This depth method of working is simply not widely known, so I’ve decided it is time to publish my thesis to support the next generation of coaches and therapists.

    I am getting goose bumps, reading it again (and wondering just how I managed to write it!) whilst preparing for it to be available to a wider readership.

    My plan is to release it on Kindle and as a stand-alone PDF. Here’s a peak at the first step, designing a new cover to replace the original plain black. The photo, by my artist husband Geoff Francis, sums up for me what it feels like when a client enters with me into this level of working and realises the promise it holds.

    #feltsense #alchemical #depthpsychology #coaching

  • High Performer But, Despite The Evidence, Do Not Feel High Performing On The Inside? 

    High Performer But, Despite The Evidence, Do Not Feel High Performing On The Inside? 

    Imposter syndrome. A state of permanently feeling that you are not as good as people think, that deep down you are faking it. That it is only a matter of time before your cover gets blown. I have worked with so many high flying clients – managing entire departments of hundreds of people, for example (and very competently too) – who still believe that they are just not up to it, they’re just winging it. And are constantly afraid they’ll get found out.

    It’s perhaps worth saying that some people will find mindset strategies all that they need to overcome these sort of doubts in those moments. A bit of a pep talk with yourself, pointing out the evidence that you are doing a good job, giving yourself encouragement when you’ve done something well. This sort of ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ approach can pay dividends at times of uncertainty and challenge.

    But there is also a large group of people whose imposter syndrome is rooted in long-term emotional programming, hard-wired enough that it can overwhelm the coping brain when under pressure or external scrutiny. Cue brain fog, going blank, heightened anxiety, or even feeling too paralysed to act.

    For these people, a deeply felt sense of shame or of being irredeemably flawed often underpins their whole existence, meaning that they can be terrified of other people noticing that they are not ‘perfect’. Because when people see this, the fear is they will be able to see the deep down flaw in your being, and will reject you.

    In these cases, positive affirmations will only scratch the surface. I’d recommend finding a decent coach or therapist with a good understanding of the deeper roots of imposter syndrome. Because unless these roots are understood and addressed, nothing fundamental will change.

    I have worked with high performers over the last three decades who, despite the evidence, do not feel high performing on the inside. I might have an idea or two to help you. Let’s talk.  

  • When what drives you at work changes, do you grieve it?

    When what drives you at work changes, do you grieve it?

    ‘When what drives you at work changes, do you grieve it?‘ An interesting question that I was asked recently. My answer: I think it depends on how the ‘thing that drives you’ leaves your life.

    If it was forced upon you by circumstances, then yes, it will need to be grieved. I used to be immersed in the world of Argentine Tango. When I was advised to stop due to physical injuries, I definitely grieved the loss of something that was an integral and important part of my life yet I wasn’t ready to leave. 

    But sometimes our driving passion for something comes to a natural end. Perhaps we have delved into it deeply to the point that it no longer challenges us. Maybe it no longer meets with our ethical standpoints. Possibly we have proved ourselves through it, and it is no longer needed in that same way. 

    There will be a period in which we realise our driving force is spent, but has not been replaced. The task will be to recognise that we have moved on, and to look out for what really matters to us now. 

    When I was in industry, I thrived on the thrill of excelling in my role. But after a while this palled – I was helping the company make money, but to what end? Standard mid-life crisis stuff! But I took account of the new sense of discomfort and over the next couple of years searched for something that did matter to me. Stress and burnout had been a feature in my business life. So it felt entirely fitting that I trained as a psychotherapist. No need to grieve here.

  • The Secret to Resolving Imposter Syndrome

    The Secret to Resolving Imposter Syndrome

    “Even when I sold my business for $66 million, I felt like an absolute fraud!”
    -Shark Tank judge and real estate mogul, Barbara Corcoran

    This is what imposter syndrome looks like. So many highly capable people experience it. On the outside, you’re highly competent. On the inside, you’re quaking, afraid to be found out to be the incompetent person you truly believe you are.

    As you may have found, it can sometimes be helpful to find a strategy that helps you step out of your ‘not good enough’ head into your ‘capable self’. This is a brilliant mind shift that can instantly bring a change to mood and outcome. 

    However… Mindset strategies on their own are only part of the story. What many people don’t realise is that confidence / self esteem / positive mindset (however you prefer to label it) is held in two distinct places. 

    The one that responds to mindset type strategies is found in the cortex, the verbal / thinking brain. This one responds best to positive messages, a shift in perspective, evidence of achievements.

    But underlying this is the emotional brain. It is mostly non verbal. It operates very differently to the verbal brain. And this is where our core sense of worth develops. Whether we are good enough, not good enough, a fake, a fraud, confident in our own skin.

    This part of our self esteem cannot respond to mindset level strategies. It is present as a deeply held belief. Logic won’t get a look in because we know and feel that we are not good enough. It needs depth psychotherapy or depth coaching for it to be reached and to update its early programming. It’s one of the things I help high performers with, in my role as a Resilient Success coach.